I'm Not Dumb...I'm Just Processing

I read: I need a towel to wash my face.

My Caucasian Teacher said: I need a washcloth to clean my face.

My Mama said: I need a face towel to wipe my face.

"I'm not dumb...I'm just processing...."

My Caucasian teacher always calls a group of us brown kids low all of the time. She always tells everyone that asks and everyone that doesn't ask that we are just too low and we don't know much of anything. She says that she doesn't know what they expect her to do with us because we just can't read and that she is not a miracle worker. When people ask what we need help with, she always says "everything". I'm not sure of what she means by "everything", but I expect her to teach me "everything" because she's the teacher. I don't like when she says these things about me because she assumes that I don't know that she is talking about me and my friends. I want her to know that us African-American students, both children and adults, are torn between three languages and it takes time for us to keep up with the White world in our brown skin. We are torn between what we read, how our Caucasian teacher speaks to us, and how our mama speaks to us. We typically read our language in one universal way, our Caucasian teacher speaks the language in another way and then uses vocabulary that we don't ever use in our lives. And don't forget that our language at home doesn't match what we read or how we hear our Caucasian teacher speaks to us at all. I don't even want to mention the fact that our mamas have their own language that has somehow floated from house to house in the African American community. It's not that we can't understand what we're reading and what you're saying. It's just that we don't see what you see, we don't live how you live, we don't do the things that you do, and we definitely don't speak like you speak, that is unless we have to.

We are put in the position of having to put our language to the side and conform to what we read and how our Caucasian teacher speaks. The politically correct terminology for switching up our language is called "code switching" nowadays, but the reality is that our language is seen as incorrect garbage that makes our parents bad parents and our brains a vacant space because we are often labeled poor and low when we speak like our mamas. On top of all of that, we are corrected and asked if our mamas taught us better when we use the language that we use at home with our friends. I didn't think I was causing any harm when I had a conversation with my friends about my hair or the games that we play outside.

I think it is unfair that we are graded both academically and socially by this language that we are expected to use in place of our language. It makes me sad that not one soul takes the language that our mamas and aunties and uncles use with us when we are at the house into account when we are trying to explain how we got our answer. I think you know what I mean, but instead, you would rather correct me and say that I don't understand instead of working to understand me. You are the teacher right?

Here's the bottom line, us African American students, both adults and children, are expected to switch our code to measure up to the White society. I do want you to know that I am not considered to be a low student because I'm dumb, but I feel like it's because I'm not like you. I actually believe that I am a genius because I am trilingual and can speak, use, and understand three languages. I even know when to use what language. That is a gift that all people don't have. So does my slow pace at times mean that me and my buddies are dumb because we can't put it all together sometimes? Absolutely not! I'm not dumb, I'm just processing. I wish that you would think about this the next time that you call me and my brown friends low and hopeless. Just thinking...

-Kisha Woodfork